one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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