you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
