never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Randomize
