Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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