If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
