i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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