I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
