Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
