I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Randomize
