Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
