I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Randomize
