Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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