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I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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