She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
