Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
