I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
