I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
