Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
