Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
