Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Randomize
