I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
