Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Randomize
