Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Randomize
