You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
