No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
How does one acquire holy water?
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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