she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
