Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
