dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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