Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
