then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
