Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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