Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
is wine microwaveable?
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Randomize
