She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
