yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
