guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize
