You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
