Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
