Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
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