I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
