I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
it was like having sex with a tree stump
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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