so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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