His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
