Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
