i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
We had sex on a dog bed..
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Randomize
