just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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