If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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