She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
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