how can u be prego again
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
