I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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