She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
All the doctor said was why
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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