My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
