ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
