Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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