their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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